Advent Wrap-Up

The past few years, on the morning of the 26th, I have been so done with Christmas that I box all the decorations up in a sort of urgent purging effort. Let’s get the crunchy Christmas tree out of the house, replace the vacuum bag (always get a new one before cleaning up those needles…that way your house smells like pine trees every time you vacuum for the next 4 months!), start working on the ‘thank yous’ and move on to the month of “Thoroughly Cleaning and Organizing all Your Junk”, otherwise known as “January”.

This year, however, I was a little less enthusiastic. I really loved the season. I had tons of fun. I enjoyed making new traditions. I loved learning stuff, how God revealed more of Himself to me. I treasured the little family moments we had together throughout the month. And I will say, this year, I’m a little sad to see Christmas go.

At this point it would be fitting to launch into a “live Christmas all year long” pep talk for myself. But I don’t really want to hear it, so…we’ll skip that.

Instead, I wanted to summarize the past month, really more for my reference than for anyone else. So it won’t hurt my feelings if you decide you’ve had enough of advent already and stop reading now, since you’ve probably already read it all in bits and pieces already.

To recap, I’ve grown increasingly discontent with Christmas over recent years. The month of December is crazy madness and by the evening on Christmas Day I feel nauseous with all the stuff I’ve consumed during the season — food, gifts, glitter, fluffiness. This sensation is not to be confused with guilt. It’s more like a “sugar high”…followed by a “sugar low”, only for the soul. And I didn’t like it.

First attempts to solve the problem focused on “spending less money”. And then the next year, “vigilantly spending less money”. But focusing on “not-stuff” instead of “stuff” didn’t fix the problem. No wonder. They’re both materialism, just exhibited in different ways.

So this year, instead of saying “no” to Christmas and ‘spending’, I said “yes” to Advent. Which provided a structure to my season and gave me something different to focus on: not ‘stuff’ or ‘not-stuff’, but ‘Jesus’…and what is meant by His coming, both the first and second.

So here are general notes and details to remember for next year, since there’s lots to improve and lots to keep the same.

Advent 2007:

The Tree Goes Up – Dec. 1 – Put up the Christmas tree, classic family tradition, complete with profane Christmas music, blah, blah, blah… Got the Rwandan baskets as ornaments for the kids, since we love Rwanda.

Advent Begins: Hope – Dec. 2-8

“Bonding/Relational Gift”: kid and grown-up games for us to enjoy good times together and with friends…it turns out the kids kick hiney at Memory (or “Remembery“, as they call it). The main problem they have is competing, because as soon as one turns one over, the other will remember where the match is and flip it over and give it to them. It’s like Cooperative Memory. Which isn’t all bad.

Family Game Night – Dec. 7: Most people we did, or were going to, invite to this already had other plans. But we had a couple couples show up with kids and had a GREAT time. We played Boxers or Briefs, and I must say, that is the best group game I have ever played. As in, you don’t have to be a creative extrovert to have fun. And you will leave with tighter abs because your stomach muscles will be getting a serious workout from all the laughing you will be doing. Very similar to Apples to Apples, if you’ve ever played that…

Kid Comment: We spent the whole week trying to teach the kids what Hope means. I used a different definition every time, since that’s a big concept for little kids. But one night, as we were lighting the candle, I asked, “What does ‘hope’ mean?” The answer I got: “Something’s going to happen.” I think Zabe totally gets it.

Peace Week – Dec. 9-15

“Quiet Gift”: lots of books and educational DVDs – yay! Particularly pleased with a Spanish DVD I got for the kids — it is completely in Spanish and the kids love it. Kar has not watched more than 20 seconds of anything on the TV in her life and she watched the entire thing. Maybe she actually speaks Spanish, not English.

Christmas Movie Night: We watched the Nativity Story. The kids enjoyed it more than I thought they would. And I did too.

On the Advent Candle Lighting: Three or four nights a week, whatever nights it worked out, we’d light our Advent candles, read from our Advent book, and have a piece of chocolate. That’s like 5 minutes or less. I didn’t really know if the kids would get into this — I can get easily bored with stuff like this (“Didn’t we do this yesterday?”), but I wanted to give it a shot. It was a hit. Whenever I asked the kids if they wanted to read the book and light candles, there was a chorus of ‘yes’ and whoops and hollers and stampeding. The chocolate probably was the greatest contributing factor to this response, but still, the kids enjoyed the activity. I do not envision this kind of enthusiasm for it when they are teenagers, which is all the more reason to do it now.

Joy Week – Dec. 16-22

“The Thing You Actually Want Gift”: Previous weeks, the gifts were all together in one box, this week, they were individual. These gifts were rather small this year, because there wasn’t any item of significance they really wanted/needed for Christmas that grandparents weren’t already getting. But I like having this category, since probably some year they’ll want something other than Larry-Boy puzzles and glittery red shoes.

Jesus’ Birthday Party: Loved this way more than I thought I would. It will be more fun for me when I can do more that has “meaning” with the kids. But it was probably more entertaining this year than it will ever be…for me, I mean, not the kids.

Love Week – Dec. 23-25

“Loving Each Other by Giving Gift”: This is the week the kids exchanged gifts with each other and Brian and I exchanged gifts. I wanted the kids to go through the experience of parting with their money and buying a gift for someone else. Honestly, I doubted myself on this one part way through because I got to wondering if this was only serving to feed the “let’s trade junk” giving obligations of Christmas. But it ended up way different. For Jams, and obviously Kar, not so much…

But for Zabe, who until this point had not ever spent any money from his money jar, this was so great to watch. I basically had to make him buy Jams a gift (picture me saying “If you don’t buy her a gift, then you will not be getting a gift from her” — very, very spiritual and in line with the true meaning of Christmas, I know). But he did it, picked out something for her all by himself, paid for it….now, just to clarify, in his mind, change/coins are more “money” than bills, so imagine his delight when he hands the clerk a $5 bill and gets back two coins! What luck! I asked him several days after that if it was hard for him to use his money to buy a gift. I knew he’d say ‘yes’. But he goes, “No. Buying something for Jams made me happy.” Woah. And then he proceeded to talk about how its like what God did for us when He gave us Jesus. He’d so test out of Sunday School. And then, when it was time for Jams to open the present, He was watching with the biggest smile. That was definitely a favorite Christmas snapshot. (Which my camera, unfortunately didn’t catch.)

Christmas Highlights:

Before going to Brian’s parents’ to open gifts, we gave $20 to the kids to “buy” something for someone less fortunate: chickens, education, rabbits, musical instruments, blankets, etc. Jams wanted a bunch of chickens. Zabe wanted chickens AND helping a child to learn to read and write. This combo was $5 more than he had, so we told him…and then gave him the option of picking something different, using his money to make up the difference, or doing extra work around the house for money to pay for it (I added this option because he is SO protective of the money in his jar). He said he’d use his money. Now, this mama doesn’t cry much, but she did then. I was so proud of him!

On the way to his parents’, Brian told me how much he had enjoyed doing Advent for our family this year. That made my great day even better. He is with me on Christmas just being too much, and he also isn’t liberal in his praise, so it was a meaningful affirmation to have his “approval” of this method of celebration. It’s not for every family, I know. But because of our sentiments on Christmas, and the fact that we always do Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas morning with Brian’s, and Jam’s b-day on the 26th, it was a great way for our family to make their own Christmas traditions.

And finally, money:

Once again, money wasn’t a focus for me this year. I had some ranges I was trying to keep within, but I decided this year that I was going to not let that get in the way of doing/giving something I felt was worthwhile. That said, I did track all Christmas related spending (defined as “if Christmas didn’t exist, this item wouldn’t have been purchased”) out of curiosity. On the whole, I was OK with the results. There are things I’d like to improve, but nothing I feel guilty over. That’s a good feeling. Gifts, unsurprisingly, comprised about 75% of spending. Decor (read: tree), postage, Christmas cards, event costs, and a few other things making up the rest of it.

Merry Christmas!

And may you have the power to understand…how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

ephesians 3.18-19 nlt

Love: Sacrifice

Love exhibits itself in all kinds of ways to all kinds of people. But this morning, I was reflecting on love, as an action, exhibited through sacrifice.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross! Philippians 2.5-7

Jesus humbled Himself to come to us. He downsized, significantly. He came to serve. He came as a sacrifice. It was all very unglamorous, very raw, very crude, very painful, of the “the center of your chest suddenly freezes and hurts” variety.

And the beginning of the passage says “your attitude should be the same”.

My love doesn’t normally involve unrecognized humility, service, sacrifice, pain. I am used to loving people in a way that I enjoy and that produces happy, self-satisfying feelings afterwards. Or maybe a “thank you”. But it is much harder for me to love when I don’t get the sticky-gooey feelings we associate with love.

But the Bible makes it clear that Jesus loving us through sacrifice (both His coming and His death) is the standard by which we are to love each other:

Ephesians 5.2 – …live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

1 John 3.16-18 – This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Now, I’ll be honest. The gifts I am/have given this season to show others that I love them have not cost me much. I mean, there will be a large credit card statement that will need to be paid off in January, but I didn’t give something I don’t have, I didn’t give anything that hurt me to give…I didn’t sacrifice. For any of you.

That’s because many of the sacrifices we make in relationships are not of the material sort. It is time given to help another out. Overlooking faults. Giving up our plans for the day (or night, as may be the case if you have very small children). Not saying things that, while true, don’t need to be said. Saying things that, while difficult, need to be said. Not insisting that everything be “fair” in the relationship. Forgiving insensitivites, or even outright meanness…even if they don’t ask it of you.

These are the things that hurt to give. And that’s where real love is demonstrated. The kind of love that God gave us that very first Christmas

joy: the word study you all have been eagerly awaiting

Joy isn’t super complex concept or word. It pretty much means what we think it means. But here were some random tidbits I found interesting.

To be bright, to shine – the word most frequently used for joy in the OT, simchah or simeah, is derived from the verb “to be bright, to shine”, according to one online source. Of all of the words of Advent, joy is the most visible. Many references to joy or rejoicing in the Bible are accompanied by physical manifestation: singing, dancing, shouting, leaping. Joy is something you can see.

Joy results from relationship – two interesting definitions of joy I saw were: “the fruit of right relationship to God” and similarly, “the natural outcome of being with God”. It isn’t something we conjure up on our own — joy comes from God. Which means, if I want more joy, there’s only one place to get it. And while we can take joy in “secular” experiences, joy is a completely difference concept from pleasure. Seeking pleasure results in the opposite of joy. Which might explain partly, at least, why many people get depressed during the Christmas season.

Joy in Celebration – THAT being said (about people being depressed during Christmas), God commanded the people of Israel to be joyful at their celebrations. The Feast of Tabernacles/Booths seems to have similarities to the way we celebrate Christmas — I’m not calling it an equivalent, I’m just saying there are similarities. In Deut 16.14-15, God says “Be joyful at your Feast—you, your sons and daughters…For seven days celebrate the Feast to the LORD your God…” So God wants us to rejoice in what He has given us, spiritually AND materially.

Jesus, a man of joy – One resource pointed out that it appears that Jesus was a joyful guy. His first miracle, afterall, was providing more wine for a wedding celebration. Some of us call our gloomy asceticism spiritual. It may more “spiritual”, but I don’t know if it is Christ-like. The trendy attribute of cynicism is a far cry from who Jesus was…and wants us to be. I need to take note.

Kar’s name – One of the best surprises of my word study was to find that a primary word used for joy in Greek is, more or less, my daughter’s name. I had read at some random, unreliable online source that it meant “sweet melody”. I knew it probably wasn’t legit, but being the goofball “everything must have profound meaning” person I am, I took what I could get. But now, even if her name doesn’t really have this melodic meaning, I know it really has this joyous one.

Joy Stealer

Philippians is a fabulous read for anyone reflecting on joy, since Paul speaks of joy and rejoicing the whole way through. Talk about a guy who had learned to find the “gift” in the situation.

Lately I’ve become aware of a “new” legalism that obsesses over different things as the “traditional” legalism I normally associate with the term. New look, same bad taste.

Which is why I was intrigued by Paul’s statements in chapter 3:

Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord…Look out for the dogs, look out for the evildoers, look out for those who mutilate the flesh….(and then several verses later)…[I want to be found in Christ] not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ…

Paul is talking about circumcision, which was the legalism issue of his day: the “spiritual” people were circumcised and they considered those who weren’t to have a less sincere faith.

Legalism is much easier to identify in others, which is where I first noticed it. And then I realized that I was looking at myself; I had done the very same thing.

I felt this legalism most when I was listening to a sermon from a Texan (who will remain nameless…mostly because I want to promote anti-Texas stereotypes). I can’t remember what his sermon was really about because what I heard was “the total amount of money spent on make-up each year could solve the clean water problem in Africa”, or something like that. I don’t wear makeup, but now, if I wanted to start, I would have this little voice telling me “if you spend money on that, you are indirectly CONTRIBUTING TO AFRICA’S WATER PROBLEM!” Which, clearly, would mean I am spiritually inferior to those who send money to Africa in lieu of buying makeup.

This sermon was also about excessive Christmas spending and the whole sermon I felt myself trying to justify to him, the Texan, that I had chosen to give gifts to my children for good reasons and that they were mostly getting books or educational DVDs, which are totally not materialistic, and that yes, I had gotten the cheap Fishing Game from Wal-Mart, but they don’t have any games and they love that one and it wasn’t available anywhere else…and after justifying all my purchases to-date, I stopped and realized the absurdity of it all: this message was making me feel guilty, less spiritual, because I had chosen to buy gifts for my kids. And other members of my family. Intended or not, it had been communicated to me that the spiritual people make presents or recycle presents or hardly spend anything, instead giving their money to people in Africa, and then there were the non-spiritual people, like me, who actually bought presents from a store. In his effort to promote a consume-less Christmas, he had crossed the line into legalism.

I can’t think of anyone else who would promote such a thing. Or judge people for not doing Christmas the way she deemed to be the most meaningful and the least consumptive.

My generation has a new set of “spirituality indicators”, which do not revolve around circumcision, playing cards, or Sunday activities. The two big ones I noticed in myself were care for the environment and consumerism.

For example, I would seriously question the authenticity of a person’s faith if they drove a Hummer. Which I can say because I don’t know anyone who does. And I would list all the other ways in which I judge people regarding these two things, but I have a hard enough time finding people who like me as it is and I don’t need everyone who reads this go buy “I recycle! And you should too!” t-shirts out of fear that I will doubt their faith. So I will leave it at that.

I am repulsed by people who make me feel less-spiritual because I used disposable diapers or because I bought something I didn’t really need. And that tells me that I need to not judge others by how full their recycling bin is, or how much they spent on Christmas this year. Those are issues that might be tied closely to my faith, but that’s not what my faith is about and it is wrong for me to impose those standards upon others, and judge them for their response.

Not to mention that making sure everyone follows my rules has a serious impact on my joy. Which is why I think Paul tells us to “rejoice in the Lord” in the same breath that he addresses legalism. When I am rejoicing in the Lord, taking joy in His gift of Hope and Peace, I recognize that my salvation, my wholeness, is based on Jesus and not my carbon footprint…and that it true for everyone else too, even those people that drive Hummers.

So if I really want to experience Joy in the holiday season, it becomes necessary for me to let God be the Rule Guy. And make it my business to focus on what God gave us and not on what everyone else is giving everyone else.